Choosing Motherhood: The IVF journey of a single woman
- Giannemari Maria
- Jun 10
- 6 min read
Updated: Jun 11
Last month, I was caught off guard when the desire to have a child knocked on my door, uninvited and persistent. Babies are cute, sure, but if I’m honest, I usually enjoy handing them back once my baby-cuddle-meter is full. This time, though, something felt different. I didn’t just want to hold a baby, I craved having one with every cell in my body. I felt it in my bones.
“WTF is happening?” I’d whisper to myself while locking eyes with a baby sitting on the airport floor, like we shared a deep secret. It was a brand-new feeling, unfamiliar and intense. I guess this is what people mean when they talk about the ticking biological clock. Suddenly, my rational brain was clocked out. Some part of me was convinced we could have a baby right now and take full care of it. I repeatedly shook my head, trying to reset my thoughts:” Girl, relax. You’re not ready to be a parent yet. Also, small detail, we still need to find the baby's daddy, which is kind of essential for conception (lol).
The whole wave of emotion reminded me of my dear former colleague Ruth. When I met her, she was already certain: she wanted to be a mother and was willing to do whatever it took to get there. I watched her light up when talking about children. It was her thing. And today, she’s the proud mom of a beautiful three-year-old son.
Her journey to motherhood as a single woman was different and incredibly fulfilling. So, I sat down with Ruth to hear her story. With curiosity and admiration, I listen to her story. One that has the power to both educate and inspire. What follows is our candid, heartfelt conversation about IVF, healing, and determination.
Becoming a mom on her terms
Ruth’s journey began with heartbreak. She experienced two miscarriages in her life. Doctors discovered that the embryos had nestled in her fallopian tubes, causing both tubes to rupture. After this, her gynecologist told her that IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) would be her only option to conceive.
What is 'In Vitro'?
‘In vitro’ is Latin for ‘in glass.' In medicine and science, it refers to a process or experiment that takes place outside the living body. So, in the case of In Vitro Fertilization (IVF), the fertilization of the egg by sperm happens in a lab, not inside the human body.
Were you disappointed you couldn’t conceive the traditional way?
“In the beginning, I was hurt,” Ruth admits. “But I did some deep self-reflection and started to believe maybe it was God’s will. I realized that I wasn’t meant to become a parent with the partner I had at the time. Now, I’m grateful that it didn’t work out. Today, I’m happy with my decision. I have a handful but amazing little boy that calls me mom.
After her difficult relationship ended, Ruth took time to emotionally heal before diving into IVF. “You need to be mentally strong for IVF. It’s a very stressful and emotional process,” she says.
A year before starting treatment, she committed to a total lifestyle change. She cut out artificial sugar, prioritized healthy food, took the necessary supplements, and replaced stress with gym sessions. “Gianz, I was fit!” she laughs. “Becoming a mom was my top priority.”
The gym became her form of release, and she focused her energy on saving, skipping travel, and shopping to afford IVF. “I did my research. I wanted to be informed, emotionally stable, and physically ready. I locked in on the mission.”
Did you feel judged for choosing IVF as a single woman?
“I wouldn’t call it judgment, it’s more of a taboo in the community. People don’t know what IVF is, and the mentality is focused on the traditional way of conception. People had questions like: ‘Are they making the baby in a cup?’ or ‘Why not wait for a partner?’ I used those moments to educate them and remind them: this is my decision.”
She adds, “Imagine if I had waited for a partner. I’d have to meet someone, get to know him, share my condition, and hope he’d be open to IVF. That’s a lot of uncertainty. I didn’t want to leave my dream in someone else’s hands. I’m a single mother by choice,” she confirms confidently.
The IVF Process
Ruth began the process at the age of 29, working with a recommended doctor in Colombia. After her consultation and initial check-up abroad, she returned to Curaçao to begin treatment, which included hormone injections, medication, and contraception to regulate her menstrual cycle.
The goal? Stimulate egg production. Once her eggs were mature, another injection paused their growth at just the right size for extraction. “I had to fly back to Colombia within two days to have the eggs retrieved. Surprisingly, I didn’t feel a thing.”
Once retrieved, the clinic fertilized her eggs with donor sperm. Ruth had to take blood tests and provide a list of characteristics she wanted in a donor. The clinic used that information to find a match in their system.
Donor Identity
In Colombia, donor identities are legally protected. Clinics share only basic traits (like height or eye color).
In contrast, the Netherlands banned anonymous sperm donation in 2004. Children have the legal right to know their donor's identity at age 16 to support their psychological well-being.
The first embryo transfer didn’t work. “It wasn’t a miscarriage, it just didn’t happen,” she explains. “Your body goes through a lot hormonally, so I recommend giving your body time to detox after the extraction of the eggs.”
She didn’t waste any time. Back in Curaçao, Ruth informed her gynecologist that she was ready to try again. This time, she didn’t need another round of hormone stimulation since the embryos were already available. She prepped her body with one injection and flew to Colombia again. “They inserted the embryo, and I went straight to the hotel. I slept all day. When I woke up, I felt different; really tired and so thirsty. I drank a whole gallon of water, no joke.”
On the 4th day, she took a pregnancy test. It was positive. “Would you believe me if I said I wanted to cry?” she beams. “My dream was coming true!”
But a few weeks later, she began bleeding. “I was devastated. I thought I was losing the baby. My mom saw how broken I was.” Her gynecologist urged her to wait, but she contacted the doctor in Colombia, who requested photos of the bleeding. In the following days, she was contacted by her gynecologist, who confirmed that she was still pregnant.
From that moment, Ruth relaxed. “My mindset became: I have to be okay so my baby is okay.”
Her pregnancy progressed beautifully. She heard the heartbeat. Everything was on track. And baby M.G. was born.
The Investment of a Lifetime
I couldn’t help but wonder: What does IVF cost?
“Insurance didn’t cover it. They saw it as a personal choice, not a medical urgency. I paid out of pocket,” Ruth explains. “Between procedures, injections, medication, and tests, I spent around 50,000 ANG.” This doesn’t include flights or hotels.
She pauses, then smiles. “But believe me, it was worth every cent. I would do it all again just to meet my son.”
Insurance coverage
In the Netherlands, basic health insurance covers up to 3 IVF rounds, but only if you're under 43. After 43? You’ll likely need to pay out of pocket. Know your insurance policy, and ask your doctor early if you’re considering IVF in the future.
She also pays yearly for embryo storage. If she ever decides not to use them, she can donate them or request that they be dissolved. “That’s why being emotionally prepared is so important.”
Are you ready for when your son asks about his father?
“I am,” she replies with calm confidence. “I’ve written him a letter explaining why I chose this path and how happy I am that I did. He’s asked questions already: he hears songs about mommies and daddies and wants to know. I told him Daddy is in Colombia and that he can meet him when he’s older. He just nodded and kept playing.”
A Love That Grows
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